Really out of my element right now. My mindset is shot. I can't focus to put in long sessions, and when I do log a short session it's brutal. I don't feel confident at all anymore. I'm on up the month but I'm also on a huge downswing from where I've been this month. I really don't feel like the style I'm playing is the style I was winning with so hard during the middle of last month. The adjustments I've made since have yielded mostly negative results. I've never swung at this buyin level like I'm swinging right now, so either I'm running like complete shit or this style is complete shit.
I'm considering moving down a level again. I need to figure this shit out again, but I'm not myself so it's making it terribly difficult. I have no determination, I'm straying, lost. I probably need a break, but that's just gonna make me further lost. I may take the next two days regardless. Use it for review and gaming, use it to just feel away from it even if only to learn.
It's still just poker. It will always throw you this fucking curve, regardless of how good things appear to be going. It's not humbling though, it's humiliating. It literally feels like poker amnesia. Every time, it feels the same. This is it, I've forgot how to play again, is this it? The bottom gonna come out of this shit now? It always comes to that for me.
I feel like nobody else can humble me, so I'll humble myself. Moving down seems like the most humbling option but I could just be cutting my own throat for profits. I guess it will just be a ton of studying, a break. Find a way to calm myself the fuck down and get some volume in.
Thoughts have been run to move back to 9mans also. I'm really at an annoying bump in the road, I just don't know.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Weather Patterns of Our Lives
I'm delirious. My mind won't focus at all, I have no will to grind right now. I have no idea how to get out of this slump other than to just get on the felt and log hours. Even this proves to be a difficult task. Working around other people's hours and shit. So far gone on volume. Gotta get back at this shit quick.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
It's Been A Minute, My Mind's Made Up
Some time has lapsed without too much change. The month ended on a low note, but the month itself was record breaking results so I'm satisfied. The last few days of the month I really fell off my grind wagon. I still booked 120 hours as per goal, but the last couple days I decided to take a shot at the next level -- with some encouragement. I don't think I was prepared at the time, especially to end a month with. As arbitrary as months and days may be, it keeps me balanced so I think I have to stick with what's comfortable for me while still managing encouraged risks appropriately.
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Always getting sidetracked by doing random things these past few days too. Gotta get back on a more regular grind schedule after this weekend. Was about to log a session but some friends wanted to come hang out so I'll just play later.
As for moving up, I'm in the black for the sample, and I'm really in the black for July since I adjusted a few things in my game. That being said, playing with so many familiar faces all the time really does not bold well for my game, I have trouble adjusting to each reg's habits when playing so many tables.
I think the optimal line right now is to play some more 20s before I log more games at the 52s, and when I do log volume at the 52s drop some tables again. I'm getting a little aggressive with the number of tables I've been playing and I think my game is still a little too weak for this level. With some more focused attention to each of the decent regulars oddities then I can then abuse them to my advantage, both with their preflop shoves and their postflop play. I think playing 20-24 tables will be good territory for that.
Tonight I plan to 30 table the 20s for the most part. If the 52s look exceptionally soft I may decide to play however many of those are running, while staying under 25. It's usually not possible to have 30 52s running at once during the later hours of the evening.
As far as this month goes, I'd like to have as impressive a month as I did last month. With the proper focus and dedication to the grind I can get that done. It's all about volume and playing your best and, the more you discuss and notice things, adjusting.
Always getting sidetracked by doing random things these past few days too. Gotta get back on a more regular grind schedule after this weekend. Was about to log a session but some friends wanted to come hang out so I'll just play later.
As for moving up, I'm in the black for the sample, and I'm really in the black for July since I adjusted a few things in my game. That being said, playing with so many familiar faces all the time really does not bold well for my game, I have trouble adjusting to each reg's habits when playing so many tables.
I think the optimal line right now is to play some more 20s before I log more games at the 52s, and when I do log volume at the 52s drop some tables again. I'm getting a little aggressive with the number of tables I've been playing and I think my game is still a little too weak for this level. With some more focused attention to each of the decent regulars oddities then I can then abuse them to my advantage, both with their preflop shoves and their postflop play. I think playing 20-24 tables will be good territory for that.
Tonight I plan to 30 table the 20s for the most part. If the 52s look exceptionally soft I may decide to play however many of those are running, while staying under 25. It's usually not possible to have 30 52s running at once during the later hours of the evening.
As far as this month goes, I'd like to have as impressive a month as I did last month. With the proper focus and dedication to the grind I can get that done. It's all about volume and playing your best and, the more you discuss and notice things, adjusting.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Addicted
To the grind, to TV series, to sleep. To the freedom this summer has allowed me. I never had time to get into all the shows I used to wanted to watch, or ones people recommended to me. I was always dealing with work, poker, life or school, poker, life. Now it's essentially just poker and life, at least during these summer months. That leaves a lot of window time to catch up on some great time wasting TV series.
First on the agenda this summer was mowing through The Sopranos. To me, the greatest TV series in existence. After that I caught up on the season of Entourage I missed. Now I'm watching Breaking Bad after reading about it on another player's blog. It's really quite great as well, I'm almost through the entire two seasons after only two or three days. Next on the agenda is The Wire.
I've also been catching up on some movies. I haven't really watched anything truly exceptional this summer in regards to movies. I did enjoy Benjamin Button and Seven Pounds a lot though.
On the poker front I've been slacking a little bit this week. I was aiming for 120 hours this month and I'll make it with a little more effort over the next several days. I'd like to take a month a do 160 hours, but I'm not sure I'll have the chance if the weather improves. I'll still look to stick to 120 hours a month though.
My kayak situation finally improved. Guy came through with the delivery Monday. It's really a great looking kayak, I'm looking forward to getting it on the water. The weather looks improved for the later part of the week and weekend, so hopefully it will hold true and I'll finally get some sun this summer, all this grinding is making me paler than Casper.
My backup internet via iPhone plan is almost in place. I got my phone yesterday, so as far as my laptop goes I have backup. I also ordered a wireless option for my desktop, which should be here before I move up. Rather, which will be here before I move up, because I won't be moving up without a backup. I need to figure out this tethering thing over the next few days. The phone itself is the nuts, I'm glad I waited until they released the 3G S.
First on the agenda this summer was mowing through The Sopranos. To me, the greatest TV series in existence. After that I caught up on the season of Entourage I missed. Now I'm watching Breaking Bad after reading about it on another player's blog. It's really quite great as well, I'm almost through the entire two seasons after only two or three days. Next on the agenda is The Wire.
I've also been catching up on some movies. I haven't really watched anything truly exceptional this summer in regards to movies. I did enjoy Benjamin Button and Seven Pounds a lot though.
On the poker front I've been slacking a little bit this week. I was aiming for 120 hours this month and I'll make it with a little more effort over the next several days. I'd like to take a month a do 160 hours, but I'm not sure I'll have the chance if the weather improves. I'll still look to stick to 120 hours a month though.
My kayak situation finally improved. Guy came through with the delivery Monday. It's really a great looking kayak, I'm looking forward to getting it on the water. The weather looks improved for the later part of the week and weekend, so hopefully it will hold true and I'll finally get some sun this summer, all this grinding is making me paler than Casper.
My backup internet via iPhone plan is almost in place. I got my phone yesterday, so as far as my laptop goes I have backup. I also ordered a wireless option for my desktop, which should be here before I move up. Rather, which will be here before I move up, because I won't be moving up without a backup. I need to figure out this tethering thing over the next few days. The phone itself is the nuts, I'm glad I waited until they released the 3G S.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Insatiable
I'm starting to feel this way. I think it's because I'm not in a position right now to be completely free from externalities. I'm still fundamentally dependent on outside sources to meet various basic requirements. A lot of this stems from not having my own vehicle. That stems largely from not wanting one, and the minor fact I don't have a license. Honestly, I don't want the burden that a car embodies. However, it would complete my circle of being free, for the most part.
A car means insurance, repairs, gas costs. It's certainly not something I'm prepared to take on at this point, without much question. I don't want that sort of bog down when I'm not even sure of my plans for the next 12 months. That doesn't change the fact I feel trapped without one. I hate depending on people, and lacking a car leads directly to this.
********************
After crunching some numbers things are a little clearer in my mind. I've gone this long without wheels so I can grind through another month and see where things get to. After breaking things down, I think I could swing getting a vehicle now to be honest. Grinding another month allows me to comfortably move up and test the waters. If things go well with the progression then I'll plan to get a vehicle in August, which still isn't that distant in the future. I just have to shack this shackle of not having mobility before school starts again. The first of August would be prime.
On the poker front things have been well. I fell a bit shy of my volume goal for the weekend. Yesterday my sleep schedule got upset with a third failed attempt at having a kayak delivered to me, which is another story. As a result I only ended up booking one solid session during Saturday's hours, as opposed to the two or three sessions I would have preferred. Today I was just kinda feeling out of it all day and my sleep schedule is still wonky so I'm running through on no sleep to readjust to something I'm more intune with. Playing on no sleep isn't an option, so I'm taking the day off today. I'm still only around 50 games shy of the 800 goal I think. Had I played today I would've crushed those numbers
The individual I was buying the kayak from called me and told me he was coming out to deliver, and called back 20 minutes later after noticing a sizable dent in the underbelly of the kayak, which he assumed occurred during the shipment process from the order he received this week. He had an orange colorway of the same model, but after looking at pictures he sent me I just wasn't interested in it. It reminded me of a lifeboat or something, it was very hunter-orange. He thought it would be two or three weeks before he placed and received his next order, but luckily his supplier is making a trip through this area tomorrow and he'll be able to swap the damaged kayak for the colorway I chose and he'll be delivering it tomorrow night.
I'm also going to pick up my iPhone tomorrow. I'm pretty stoked about that. I mulled it over forever now and it just makes sense. I want a backup internet source and the data plan I'm getting allows 6GB of usage, so that's more than enough in case my internet ever craps out and I need to use it to play out a set with. More importantly, if I do in fact move up next month and if the internet ever did crap out and I had no backup, I'd lose over half of what the entire 3 year contract would cost me to begin with, so it just makes good sense. Fuck dollars, make sense.
A car means insurance, repairs, gas costs. It's certainly not something I'm prepared to take on at this point, without much question. I don't want that sort of bog down when I'm not even sure of my plans for the next 12 months. That doesn't change the fact I feel trapped without one. I hate depending on people, and lacking a car leads directly to this.
On the poker front things have been well. I fell a bit shy of my volume goal for the weekend. Yesterday my sleep schedule got upset with a third failed attempt at having a kayak delivered to me, which is another story. As a result I only ended up booking one solid session during Saturday's hours, as opposed to the two or three sessions I would have preferred. Today I was just kinda feeling out of it all day and my sleep schedule is still wonky so I'm running through on no sleep to readjust to something I'm more intune with. Playing on no sleep isn't an option, so I'm taking the day off today. I'm still only around 50 games shy of the 800 goal I think. Had I played today I would've crushed those numbers
The individual I was buying the kayak from called me and told me he was coming out to deliver, and called back 20 minutes later after noticing a sizable dent in the underbelly of the kayak, which he assumed occurred during the shipment process from the order he received this week. He had an orange colorway of the same model, but after looking at pictures he sent me I just wasn't interested in it. It reminded me of a lifeboat or something, it was very hunter-orange. He thought it would be two or three weeks before he placed and received his next order, but luckily his supplier is making a trip through this area tomorrow and he'll be able to swap the damaged kayak for the colorway I chose and he'll be delivering it tomorrow night.
I'm also going to pick up my iPhone tomorrow. I'm pretty stoked about that. I mulled it over forever now and it just makes sense. I want a backup internet source and the data plan I'm getting allows 6GB of usage, so that's more than enough in case my internet ever craps out and I need to use it to play out a set with. More importantly, if I do in fact move up next month and if the internet ever did crap out and I had no backup, I'd lose over half of what the entire 3 year contract would cost me to begin with, so it just makes good sense. Fuck dollars, make sense.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Weekend Grind-N-Shine
Just wrapped up a marathon evening of poker. Logged 331 games, didn't do wonderful but I did post a winner. I'm feeling very frustrated with my performance at these games so far. I can't tell if I'm just running mediocre or if my game is leaking a ton. The funny thing is that even if I kept beating these games for this rate I'm still ahead of what I was doing at the level of 9-mans I was playing. The frustrating part is not being able to identify what may or may not officially be leaks.
I'm definitely on pace to crack 1000 games over the weekend without much problem. I don't see any point in holding back for the rest of this month so I'll probably be booking around 2200 games by the end of the month. I plan to take next weekend off and hopefully the weather will grace me with sunshine, but regardless my plan is to take next weekend off. That said, 2200 games is still on the horizon by the end of the month, including what I do this weekend.
I'm not sure what the plan for July is. This month was all about grind and, should the remainder of the month go well, it was a successful endeavor. Next month I really don't think I'm going to change the formula up much. One thing I'll be doing differently is taking advantage of every nice weekend that comes my way. Hopefully I'll have a kayak at that point and can get lots of that done.
July also holds the prospects of me moving up levels. It's unnerving to me because things aren't going quite as well as I had hoped at the level I'm at right now. I'll continue to try and figure shit out, put in the next 2000 games, hope things come around a bit better. Even if I remain static with the results I'm getting now I'll probably take a shot. The increased FPP accumulation itself may be enough to make the move, and if I can even do half as well at that level I'd be better off I think. But ohhhh the variance. I've played this level before, back before Christmas when I was chasing Nova originally.
Whatever I decide to do I'm sure it will pan out.
I'm definitely on pace to crack 1000 games over the weekend without much problem. I don't see any point in holding back for the rest of this month so I'll probably be booking around 2200 games by the end of the month. I plan to take next weekend off and hopefully the weather will grace me with sunshine, but regardless my plan is to take next weekend off. That said, 2200 games is still on the horizon by the end of the month, including what I do this weekend.
I'm not sure what the plan for July is. This month was all about grind and, should the remainder of the month go well, it was a successful endeavor. Next month I really don't think I'm going to change the formula up much. One thing I'll be doing differently is taking advantage of every nice weekend that comes my way. Hopefully I'll have a kayak at that point and can get lots of that done.
July also holds the prospects of me moving up levels. It's unnerving to me because things aren't going quite as well as I had hoped at the level I'm at right now. I'll continue to try and figure shit out, put in the next 2000 games, hope things come around a bit better. Even if I remain static with the results I'm getting now I'll probably take a shot. The increased FPP accumulation itself may be enough to make the move, and if I can even do half as well at that level I'd be better off I think. But ohhhh the variance. I've played this level before, back before Christmas when I was chasing Nova originally.
Whatever I decide to do I'm sure it will pan out.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Zombie Grind Pt. 2
It's starting to catch up to me a bit, the short bursts of sleep. I took the night off last night and slept until noon today and I feel about the same really. I'll probably nap a bit more and then log a ton of hours over the next two days. I'd like to do 800 plus games by Monday morning. A thousand would be optimal but possibly pushing it. We'll see how things go.
Turns out they were all back ordered on the lime green kayak so I had him order an orange and a blue & white mix to check out. I'm probably just going to get the orange so we can finally start kayaking. He said it should be in tomorrow. I'm probably gonna order that iPhone tomorrow too, hopefully they can ship that pretty fast. I think it will be worth the money in the long-run.
I'm looking forward to getting in tons of volume during the busier hours these next few days, but I'm also pretty surprised at how wrecked I am still. Gonna wait a bit before I nap more. The games actually look pretty decent right now, but I've gotta get rested and fed before I start grinding. Maybe I'll feel more in the zone after a shower. I'm gonna go get a few things done in that regard.
Turns out they were all back ordered on the lime green kayak so I had him order an orange and a blue & white mix to check out. I'm probably just going to get the orange so we can finally start kayaking. He said it should be in tomorrow. I'm probably gonna order that iPhone tomorrow too, hopefully they can ship that pretty fast. I think it will be worth the money in the long-run.
I'm looking forward to getting in tons of volume during the busier hours these next few days, but I'm also pretty surprised at how wrecked I am still. Gonna wait a bit before I nap more. The games actually look pretty decent right now, but I've gotta get rested and fed before I start grinding. Maybe I'll feel more in the zone after a shower. I'm gonna go get a few things done in that regard.
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