The Weigh In

The month is off to a great start. Unfortunately for me, I'm not. I'm playing well when I play, but off the felt I'm distracted. I decided to just go for 4k games and consider anything else gravy, which gives me a lot more leeway. I'm still not really satisfied with where that puts me at for hours played in the month, but poker is certainly a different beast than a 9-5.

I felt so conflicted, guilty even, about not getting on the felt and playing today. Stars was suffering disconnect and latency issues when I would normally log my first session, so the obvious choice was not playing then. I started a session late in the evening, but I had swapped out some of my software for updated versions and set some paths wrong and fucked myself a bit. So I cut that short, and ended up not getting back on the felt, and I've felt guilty of it since.

I'm all around conflicted about things right now. I feel like I should be so focused on poker and getting so much volume in, and I could but I'm always having to adjust slightly to fit others in. Poker is a beast that shouldn't be played with unless you're feeling ready to tackle it with all you've got. There are windows of time when you just know you should be on the felt, and windows of time when you just shouldn't. Fit other people's schedules into that and you're going to be closing a lot of windows.

Of course, life's not all about the grind or else it's not much of a life. The problem, I guess, is I don't even know what I want from life right now other than this. I just want to make a bunch of money doing this, while doing this is viable.

So... I'm 628 games into the month, would like to be at the halfway point to 4k by the end of next Monday. Assuming I have a solid internet connection while back home for the giving of thanks it shouldn't be an issue doing just that.

I'm already toying with the idea of getting back to the 50s sooner than expected, but I think I'll like myself more if I just do this month at the 20s as intended. That way I have another recent, proven sample of results at this stake and my game will be at a point I should be more satisfied with. As long as I'm satisfied with the results, I'll start 50s again in November.

I'm starting to come out of my self-induced guilt trip over not playing today, so this blog is being of some positive use to me. As long as I break 4k games this month I'll be more than happy. At that point I'll decide what to take off from my profit and where that leaves my bankroll.

Poker aside, I've started watching Generation Kill. It's a fucking great series. I'm not sure how accurate any of it is, but I'm thoroughly enjoying the show. I'm going to start gaming a bit again too. I'm toying with playing WoW again, but I've not decided for sure. I have to get some shit sorted out with regards to that tomorrow and then make my decision. I think it will assist me in putting pot on the back burner in a more serious manner for awhile to boot.

I just finished another quarter ounce yesterday and have no intentions of getting more. It really leaves my lungs feeling awful the day I'm smoking, since I smoke quite frequently throughout the day when I have it. The day after I wake up feeling mostly fine and as the day goes on if I don't smoke I'm basically back to feeling Grade-A. It's when I'm smoking every day, day in day out that I start to feel the toll.

I have a vaporizer, but it's not a Volcano. If I ever get in a position to be able to smoke weed cheaper than what I can right now then I'd invest in a Volcano and call it good, but as it is right now I'm just blowing money and my lungs.

That's about all for now, until I feel the need to update results or vent again. I'm hoping to get a session in before supper tomorrow, but it's fairly unlikely. It's 4:30am now, I won't be sleeping until at least 7ish... very unlikely I get to play before supper unless I wake up super early feeling ready to go. Otherwise I won't get to felt until 7 or 8 tomorrow night. Puts me in a bit of annoyed spot, since it will be late in the day trying to score 200 games before I sleep. I'll get it, I'll just be glad to be back being fairly normal and able to get in a session mid-day to take away the stress of trying to get in the games and still get to bed at a half sensible time so I can be up at a half sensible time to grind the next day.

Poker is definitely a tough way to make an easy living.