A Quarter

No, not more weed. I've hit the quarter way mark for my 4k game goal/prop today. Things continue to go quite well overall, I'm satisfied with the volume I've achieved thus far and am enjoying putting hands in for the most part. Some sessions can be annoying, of course, but what in life can't be at times.

I've been reflecting about life a lot lately. I didn't come from a lot of money. I didn't even come from a little money. We were pretty poor. I mean, we never went without meals or anything like that, but we were definitely barely getting by, especially before I was a teenager. I mean, my mom had me when she was a teenager herself, and she came up with less than we came up with together, so you know how that goes. Or maybe you don't.

I wouldn't change anything that I went through... I don't get into a lot of gritty details about my life outside of poker, and even less about my life outside of poker before poker, but I had a lot of chances to be just another fuck-up statistic. Going through everything I went through made me who I am today, and although I'm far from perfect, I don't have any qualms really.

If I could take one thing back ever, though, it would be to never have put that first cigarette to my lips. In fact, I wish I could've forced my hand further and completely refused to live in a household of smokers. It was, no doubt, detrimental to my long term health. Everyone in my family smoked. Everyone. My grandmother and myself are the only two within my immediate family that I can recall quitting the habit. It was the best thing I ever decided to do, as far as improving my life goes.

I can't take it back though, it's done. I don't smoke tobacco whatsoever anymore and have zero intentions of ever doing so again. In fact, I'd like to say I'll never smoke anything ever again, but I know I'll smoke weed again at some point. If I had the opportunity to test a Volcano and see if I enjoy the results (aka the smokeless aspect is better than what my vaporizer offers) and I liked it I'd get one, just to have on hand for when I do decide I want to blaze weed again.

Tobacco was the only real addiction I've ever had. It even has the "melting" feeling you hear that hard drugs offer. If I went a day or two without a cigarette and had one again, my entire body would just be swept over with this melting feeling. It's intense. I don't miss how awful smoking that shit made me feel.

This blog is more undirected than usual. So is my life I guess, but I'm loving every minute of it. I'm enjoying just doing what I'm doing right now, just being sick with the grind and having no goals outside of that.